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January 2026
Feb. 1st, 2026 11:01 am
This January lasted approximately 8 years.
We had a Polar Vortex/Arctic Air for most of the month, with temperatures down to -5 and two snowstorms.
The heater in our kitchen and bathroom broke, and was fixed incorrectly by a service guy, messing up the heating zones in our house even worse. Still not resolved.
Frozen pipes under our kitchen have been heated by a space heater for days, which not only am I concerned and monitoring in case of fire hazard but also I can't wait for that electric bill.
Our dishwasher broke and was beeping incessantly no matter what I did unless I turned it off at the breaker. Fixed now after service call.
I forgot to run our Honda and the battery died, so it's a frozen brick right now. I'll get around to digging it out and jumping it eventually.
Didn't even dig out Russ' car after the second storm.
Two of our chickens got their feathers plucked out and beaten all bloody by two others; we tried various techniques to cut down on the bullying but the kindest, sweetest bird was simply tortured by the others and our hearts hurt for her. We tried separation, protective aprons, anti-pecking spectacles.
Trying to make decisions for school and activities next year and it has been very stressful.
Everything is enormously expensive.
There is a mountain of 3 weeks (okay maybe 4) of laundry in my bedroom, I just sort of rummage through a giant mound for clothing and look at it in the evening without putting it away. Sometimes I kick the mound around.
My diet has been 70% cheese-and-caramel corn, and the rest has been coffee. My 47th birthday was spent driving to and from a hospital and I didn't even care that it passed without a blip.
It has been heart-wrenching to watch ICE brutalizing people in Minnesota, and the murders of Renee Good and Alex Pretti.
The Epstein files were far worse than expected, and even though I did not look for or seek out that information, it was unavoidable and absolutely disgusting.
The US attacked Venezuela, threatened Greenland, and destroyed alliances that it took generations and bloody wars to build. Iran had a revolution and it was suppressed and thousands of people got slaughtered.
And these aren't even the most stressful parts of the month, bc we were dealing with Russ' cancer.
His surgery was on Jan 6. It lasted for nearly 6 hours. He was in the hospital for 3 days afterwards. It was miserable to watch him in pain and we were worried about hospital-acquired respiratory infections, since the rates were off the charts, but constant advocacy and caution and by the grace of God, he did not get sick, and the surgeon was very optimistic about the procedure and the cancer-removal, and the long-awaited PET scan did not show spread. I rejoiced and was so thankful.
After two difficult weeks at home with a catheter, Russ was back in the hospital after his leg swelled up with a blood clot; it ran from his abdomen to his knee. It was a full day of testing and a day and a half in the ER, again concerned about picking up a bug since the ER was a complete horrorshow, with full beds in hallways and no mitigations, but after a week of caution at home, no additional sickness or infections, and the swelling from the clot went down. Felt enormously lucky that he didn't die from a PE or stroke. Russ has lost like 50 lbs. He's moving, eating well, etc. Still under some restrictions. Now it's a waiting game again until March when his numbers get tested. If numbers are high, then we're on to radiation, chemo, clinical trials.
In some ways, it's been *less* stressful, bc I've been under enormous continuous stress since last July when he had symptoms, and then when actions were finally taken it was a relief that something was being done, instead of nothing, like the past 6 months of living under this. I prefer the action and not the constant grind of helpless silent-screaming frustration.
Friends and family have been golden. My children have been good as gold. So many lovely people reached out, offered help, and genuinely prayed for Russ and made genuine offers. We really felt the love, and I'm so grateful for it. I hope you know it goes both ways, and that I will help you, if I can.
The kids put on their Bajas for me as a birthday treat, and dressed the dogs in their new bajas, and we watched some 'Point Break' which is one of my comfort movies. (I won't even total up the amount of hours spent watching "Love Island UK" just to gear down and disassociate, but know that I have completed a full season and moved on to All Stars). here's a pic of Porter begging me to stop watching and to go to sleep
We've been studying a lot of art history and doing a lot of art; it's been a delight.
indoor soccer practice
Celebrated Russ' birthday, which had a very somber 'glad-you-re-still-here' sort of tone
there are no photos of me investigating Russ' drain-hole but you get the idea
Dogs
Bodhi: not a snow dog
Lots of reading
trying to look like a person
Watching the Mamdani inauguration, and watched the Sherill inauguration. both pretty hopeful actually and full of human beings instead of stomach-turning wretches.
Snowy walks; High Bridge
Cooking my way through the January soups.
September 2026
Nov. 30th, 2025 08:16 pm
Hard to think back (writing this in December) and do this entry...I scaled way back on my 'digital life' during September and October; slacking on my LJ, barely checking FB and nuking my private FB groups, etc. I really felt that I needed a change and needed to direct my energy in different directions for a while.
( Read more... )
It was our Spring Break! We took a trip to DC, since the kids had studied all about the US Government this year, as well as some presidents, WWII, and Cold War.
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
March 2025: Locked post
May. 3rd, 2025 12:49 amThe month of the hip replacement; basically the whole month was a loss.
Already, I have chucked March into the memory hole where unpleasant things in my life go to disappear.
The procedure itself went pretty well and hospital stay...it was stressful to try to remain Covid-cautious, but staff were diligent about masking when they came in and I masked, ran a HEPA filter, and did mouthwash and nasal spray when able. The overnight experience was really rough; any time I got up to use the bathroom, I felt my heart racing uncontrollably and felt nauseous and that flushed feeling like I was about to pass out, and when I mentioned it to the night nurse, she was like, "Maybe it's a hot flash?" and I was like (internally, bc I just sort of was aghast) jfc that's unbelievable gaslighting and not at all helpful when this is not normal for me at all; she didn't note it in my chart and I was not hooked up to a heart monitor or anything like that so in retrospect that seems nuts, but whatever, I survived.
I was prescribed a simply *wild* amount of Oxycontin. Also on Eliquis blood thinners for the month, which contrindicted a heavy-hitting anti-inflammatory drug so I think that also prolonged healing a bit.
I cried every day for most of the month. For three weeks, I was pretty sure that things were messed up and that my hip had been done wrong and would never be good again. To lazily just use my FB post at the time, "I feel like I've been in a car wreck. I feel like a Barbie whose leg was detached and put on backwards. My brain was entirely non-functional last week. I'm still using a walker and it is still painful to put full weight on one leg. I can't bend, twist, or drive, and I'm already sick of comfy pants. The new hip-leg is fully two *inches* longer than the other, and my stance, balance, pelvis, etc is entirely whacked. I'm praying like crazy it evens out, but it seems like a lot. I was expecting a different surgical approach with less recovery time and more mobility. Sleeping is terrible. I cry every day. So, that's how it's going."
It took me two weeks to realize that I was comparing my progress to other hip-people I knew who had had an "anterior" approach, which is much less painful and more movement and recovery a *lot* sooner. ((When, at Week 5, I asked my surgeon why it was a posterior approach and not anterior, he said that he preferred it because he could manipulate things and get a better fit that way, and also that bc it caused a longer recovery and layup, the healing had more time for the new part to get better attachment. .. Which is cool from the surgeon's viewpoint, but, not so much from this one)). Even so, talking to my dad who had also had posterior, was a major mindfuck and discouragement, bc every convo, he would insist that he had been up and walking with no walker/crutches/cane etc etc soooo much earlier, and didn't know anyone who had used crutches after the first week etc. It made me constantly worry that my experience was terrible and wrong. So I was either comparing myself to anterior patients or to my dad's experiences, and definitely impatient with my own body, which I felt was healing at a snail's pace. It was very painful and arduous, way more than I expected. I ditched the Oxy after the first week (coming off was no fun for a few days), but needed to slam Tylenol first thing in the morning with coffee and wait 45 minutes to an hour in order to function. Another thing which I believe delayed or made healing slower is that according to the nurse who was in the OR for the procedure who visited me later, my ortho was really aggressive in how he manipulated the leg ("he tries to basically knock it out of the socket, to see which parts have the best fit"); this was echoed by my surgeon at that Week 5 visit. I think that 'aggressive manipulation' was pretty rough on all the muscle and soft tissue. My PT said it takes 8-12 weeks for soft tissue to heal. (which is a long time). I had a lot of bruising, and everything felt like hell. It felt like my knee was sprained for a few weeks as well (although in Hip-Replacement-Reddit, they say that when the titanium rod part gets pounded into the bone, that the shock of that can carry down the leg and stress the knee). One wild thing is that I previously had neuropathy/nerve damage going on in that right foot for like over a year...my right big toe was missing a lot of sensation and movement, also a lot of poor circulation/bloodflow. I immediately noticed in the hospital that sensation had returned after the THR, so, something was really bolloxed up in there, and yay for being able to scrunch my toes again! so weird.
spent several weeks on the sleeper sofa in the living room
My children and husband were helpful and caring but also I had set things up in advance of the surgery with an eye to the household running smoothly (meals, schooling, kids' activities etc), but hadn't anticipated the extent to which I was laid up in terms of needing care for *myself*; I hadn't exactly provided instructions to anyone for that, and when you are feeling low and out of it, it's hard to give instructions each time a pillow needs to be fluffed, you need a glass of water, need to re-invent a toilet situation on the fly, or help with getting clothes for the day, etc. It was an exercise in patience and frustration. Honestly, my daughter saved my sanity during those first two weeks; she was so patient and caring and amazing.
Having a lifelong incurable rare disease, I had a difficult or different time with mindset. When you have something like that for your whole life, and multiple surgeries and treatments and appointments don't *fix* your problem, just maintenance it, then I think you have less faith in the medical system to fix you in general for other things or that something major like this will actually get "fixed."
Anyway. Everything was incrementally slow stages. Walker>Crutches>Cane. Limping >Putting more Weight on it>doing Stairs> Being able to sleep on my side with less restrictions> Taking less Tylenol>starting to bend over and pick things off the floor. Teaching, Cooking, running errands. By Week 6, things were a lot better. By Week 9, I stopped physical therapy. I could at least put a sock on, even if mobility isn't 100% and I am still being careful. (It's the beginning of May and Week 10 PostOp as I write this; I'm dreading all the walking on a spring break trip to DC but I'm grateful that things have gotten so much better).
Kids
Dogs
I planted seeds right before the surgery at the end of February
Political Stuff
I had lots of time on my phone, and also, things continued to happen really really fast throughout the month of March.
the Trump/Velenskyy/Vance meeting happened
Already, I have chucked March into the memory hole where unpleasant things in my life go to disappear.
The procedure itself went pretty well and hospital stay...it was stressful to try to remain Covid-cautious, but staff were diligent about masking when they came in and I masked, ran a HEPA filter, and did mouthwash and nasal spray when able. The overnight experience was really rough; any time I got up to use the bathroom, I felt my heart racing uncontrollably and felt nauseous and that flushed feeling like I was about to pass out, and when I mentioned it to the night nurse, she was like, "Maybe it's a hot flash?" and I was like (internally, bc I just sort of was aghast) jfc that's unbelievable gaslighting and not at all helpful when this is not normal for me at all; she didn't note it in my chart and I was not hooked up to a heart monitor or anything like that so in retrospect that seems nuts, but whatever, I survived.
I was prescribed a simply *wild* amount of Oxycontin. Also on Eliquis blood thinners for the month, which contrindicted a heavy-hitting anti-inflammatory drug so I think that also prolonged healing a bit.
I cried every day for most of the month. For three weeks, I was pretty sure that things were messed up and that my hip had been done wrong and would never be good again. To lazily just use my FB post at the time, "I feel like I've been in a car wreck. I feel like a Barbie whose leg was detached and put on backwards. My brain was entirely non-functional last week. I'm still using a walker and it is still painful to put full weight on one leg. I can't bend, twist, or drive, and I'm already sick of comfy pants. The new hip-leg is fully two *inches* longer than the other, and my stance, balance, pelvis, etc is entirely whacked. I'm praying like crazy it evens out, but it seems like a lot. I was expecting a different surgical approach with less recovery time and more mobility. Sleeping is terrible. I cry every day. So, that's how it's going."
It took me two weeks to realize that I was comparing my progress to other hip-people I knew who had had an "anterior" approach, which is much less painful and more movement and recovery a *lot* sooner. ((When, at Week 5, I asked my surgeon why it was a posterior approach and not anterior, he said that he preferred it because he could manipulate things and get a better fit that way, and also that bc it caused a longer recovery and layup, the healing had more time for the new part to get better attachment. .. Which is cool from the surgeon's viewpoint, but, not so much from this one)). Even so, talking to my dad who had also had posterior, was a major mindfuck and discouragement, bc every convo, he would insist that he had been up and walking with no walker/crutches/cane etc etc soooo much earlier, and didn't know anyone who had used crutches after the first week etc. It made me constantly worry that my experience was terrible and wrong. So I was either comparing myself to anterior patients or to my dad's experiences, and definitely impatient with my own body, which I felt was healing at a snail's pace. It was very painful and arduous, way more than I expected. I ditched the Oxy after the first week (coming off was no fun for a few days), but needed to slam Tylenol first thing in the morning with coffee and wait 45 minutes to an hour in order to function. Another thing which I believe delayed or made healing slower is that according to the nurse who was in the OR for the procedure who visited me later, my ortho was really aggressive in how he manipulated the leg ("he tries to basically knock it out of the socket, to see which parts have the best fit"); this was echoed by my surgeon at that Week 5 visit. I think that 'aggressive manipulation' was pretty rough on all the muscle and soft tissue. My PT said it takes 8-12 weeks for soft tissue to heal. (which is a long time). I had a lot of bruising, and everything felt like hell. It felt like my knee was sprained for a few weeks as well (although in Hip-Replacement-Reddit, they say that when the titanium rod part gets pounded into the bone, that the shock of that can carry down the leg and stress the knee). One wild thing is that I previously had neuropathy/nerve damage going on in that right foot for like over a year...my right big toe was missing a lot of sensation and movement, also a lot of poor circulation/bloodflow. I immediately noticed in the hospital that sensation had returned after the THR, so, something was really bolloxed up in there, and yay for being able to scrunch my toes again! so weird.
spent several weeks on the sleeper sofa in the living room
My children and husband were helpful and caring but also I had set things up in advance of the surgery with an eye to the household running smoothly (meals, schooling, kids' activities etc), but hadn't anticipated the extent to which I was laid up in terms of needing care for *myself*; I hadn't exactly provided instructions to anyone for that, and when you are feeling low and out of it, it's hard to give instructions each time a pillow needs to be fluffed, you need a glass of water, need to re-invent a toilet situation on the fly, or help with getting clothes for the day, etc. It was an exercise in patience and frustration. Honestly, my daughter saved my sanity during those first two weeks; she was so patient and caring and amazing.
Having a lifelong incurable rare disease, I had a difficult or different time with mindset. When you have something like that for your whole life, and multiple surgeries and treatments and appointments don't *fix* your problem, just maintenance it, then I think you have less faith in the medical system to fix you in general for other things or that something major like this will actually get "fixed."
Anyway. Everything was incrementally slow stages. Walker>Crutches>Cane. Limping >Putting more Weight on it>doing Stairs> Being able to sleep on my side with less restrictions> Taking less Tylenol>starting to bend over and pick things off the floor. Teaching, Cooking, running errands. By Week 6, things were a lot better. By Week 9, I stopped physical therapy. I could at least put a sock on, even if mobility isn't 100% and I am still being careful. (It's the beginning of May and Week 10 PostOp as I write this; I'm dreading all the walking on a spring break trip to DC but I'm grateful that things have gotten so much better).
Kids
Dogs
I planted seeds right before the surgery at the end of February
Political Stuff
I had lots of time on my phone, and also, things continued to happen really really fast throughout the month of March.
the Trump/Velenskyy/Vance meeting happened
