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and so ends another weekend.
i *should* feel totally happy and content about it: big fun Housewarming party at my bro's with loving people, another shindig in L'Orange with fun creative people, GLORIOUS weather, some shopping, and romantic cozy boyfriend-time; visiting a soon-to-be-lawyer old friend who is non-evil and trying to save the planet...but I have always had a serious case of malcontent going on, anyways.
dunno if it's "career-ending" burnout, restlessness, or simple whining and extreme mental laziness...there was a great article on Burnout in a recent New York magazine that got me thinking.
(I *did* almost get hit by a fucker in an SUV this weekend while I was jogging, so maybe it's the near brush with maiming that's got me reaching for the JD more than usual this Sunday. AND I spilled an entire Starbucks Vanilla Chai Latte on the seat of my car, which now smells as vanilla-sour as my back-to-school mood...this is DISASTER in the yuppie world, which i believe i have defaulted into joining).
Burnout Inventory:
Perfectionist tendencies? ::check::
Push harder and harder and feel less and less? ::check::
is there a gap between expectation and return for labor? ::check::
does your input exceed your output? ::check::
can your level of caring be sustained in the absence of results ::nope::
do you have a lost sense of career importance/significance ::check::
disillusionment ::check::
is there increasing overlap in your work-home interface ::check::
control factor ::very low::
Result? Do we have here, ladies and gentlemen, a terminal failure of the existential quest? (as far as it applies to my current particular field, at any rate). i dunno. i'm still pretty fresh off a week-long vacation, but want to bash my head into a wall.
if this was a Dilbert cartoon, Dogbert or Catbert would come along and grin evilly at me and make some smarmy comment about my pension benefits. but it gets harder and harder to stick around here and not 'light out for the hills (or, er, China). sure, teaching is not as bad as other jobs, other experiences that i've had (INSURANCE HELL), but maybe it's just knowing that there's better to be had, and hearing some kind of ticking life-clock in my ears, always.
please don't take it personally if i am not a holly-jolly communicant these days...i have two weeks of after-school detention proctoring ahead of me, and I plan on using that time to work and plan, work and plan. and stew stew stew. this is probably just the valley before the next manic productive high, anyway. now if only i were depressed enough to STOP FUCKING EATING, that would at least be something...
i *should* feel totally happy and content about it: big fun Housewarming party at my bro's with loving people, another shindig in L'Orange with fun creative people, GLORIOUS weather, some shopping, and romantic cozy boyfriend-time; visiting a soon-to-be-lawyer old friend who is non-evil and trying to save the planet...but I have always had a serious case of malcontent going on, anyways.
dunno if it's "career-ending" burnout, restlessness, or simple whining and extreme mental laziness...there was a great article on Burnout in a recent New York magazine that got me thinking.
(I *did* almost get hit by a fucker in an SUV this weekend while I was jogging, so maybe it's the near brush with maiming that's got me reaching for the JD more than usual this Sunday. AND I spilled an entire Starbucks Vanilla Chai Latte on the seat of my car, which now smells as vanilla-sour as my back-to-school mood...this is DISASTER in the yuppie world, which i believe i have defaulted into joining).
Burnout Inventory:
Perfectionist tendencies? ::check::
Push harder and harder and feel less and less? ::check::
is there a gap between expectation and return for labor? ::check::
does your input exceed your output? ::check::
can your level of caring be sustained in the absence of results ::nope::
do you have a lost sense of career importance/significance ::check::
disillusionment ::check::
is there increasing overlap in your work-home interface ::check::
control factor ::very low::
Result? Do we have here, ladies and gentlemen, a terminal failure of the existential quest? (as far as it applies to my current particular field, at any rate). i dunno. i'm still pretty fresh off a week-long vacation, but want to bash my head into a wall.
if this was a Dilbert cartoon, Dogbert or Catbert would come along and grin evilly at me and make some smarmy comment about my pension benefits. but it gets harder and harder to stick around here and not 'light out for the hills (or, er, China). sure, teaching is not as bad as other jobs, other experiences that i've had (INSURANCE HELL), but maybe it's just knowing that there's better to be had, and hearing some kind of ticking life-clock in my ears, always.
please don't take it personally if i am not a holly-jolly communicant these days...i have two weeks of after-school detention proctoring ahead of me, and I plan on using that time to work and plan, work and plan. and stew stew stew. this is probably just the valley before the next manic productive high, anyway. now if only i were depressed enough to STOP FUCKING EATING, that would at least be something...
